Third Martini's a charm
by IceCrome
Summary: Making bad decisions never felt this good. AU, Ikarishipping.


_Ice: Bored._

_Isn't AltoShipping Bestiality? Anyway…_

_© Satoshi Taijiri_

_Some OOC and AU._

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**8:00 P.M**

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Misty has officially found the open bar.

I am annoyed.

"Uhm, shouldn't we like, keep her _away _from the open bar so it doesn't end up like Opening Show at _Vegas?!_"

"Oh come on Dawn! It's your last night of freedom before being thrust into marriage, your soul slowly being crushed from the inside! Live a little!" May said, and grabbed a Martini from the bar.

All I wanted to do was get drunk and possibly make bad decisions in my life. Is that so hard to ask for?! Plus, being so that tomorrow I was making the worst and best decision of my life (marrying a heartless bastard, albeit a _hot _heartless bastard) was really not on my bucket list.

Seriously.

Plus, due to the fact that I _do not _want a massive hangover in the morning of my wedding, I cannot drink.

"Y-you see Dawn…you j-just gotta loosen up a little!" May was already slurring.

This is so not good.

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**8:20 P.M**

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Erghfghgdrk.

Misty is already singing sea shanties with May. Not good. Nooot gooood.

And I am still sober. Win.

"I'm a p-pi-pirate! Ya-Yar-har!" May and Misty's faces were flushed like no tomorrow. God, why did my friends have to be the ones who like _Daiquiris?!_

"H-Hey D-Dawn…" I shoved May off my shoulder, and she fell onto the floor. May, apparently, has a face of steel.

"Yes my drunk friend, what?"

"You're name's _–snicker- _y-you're name's _Dawn._" May continued to laugh her ass off. Misty did the same.

"Yes, that's obvious." I sat down on a stool.

Maybe one Martini wouldn't hurt…

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**8:45 P.M**

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Oh what the hell.

"Harley!" I walked over to the purple-haired Cacturne, and glared at him. How had _he _gotten into _my _bachelorette party!?

Wait. Harley is insanely effeminate. That's why. Somebody must've mistaken him for a girl, albeit flat-chested and unattractive one.

"Harley, get out _now._" Seriously, I thought venom spat out of my mouth.

"Aw, Dawnie-Poo, lighten up a little! Have a drink or seven!" Harley laughed, and put his Appletini in my hand.

I gladly swallowed it.

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**9:02 P.M**

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Light hurts.

Like, _seriously._

Currently, I was trying to stay sober and not beat the piss out of my liver, whilst simultaneously trying to keep Misty and May from getting their blood alcohol past .08.

I sat down at the bar again.

Okay.

I'll have a few drinks.

Or nine.

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**9:22 P.M**

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I was seriously just drifting in and out. I mean, May and Harley started making out halfway through (something that I really wished I had a video camera for), while Soledad was subtly glaring at May.

Not really subtly, but I digress.

"H-Hey Mist-Misty. Can you l-like, keep 'Dad from murdering May." Great, now I was slurring.

"_-Giggle-_, n-no way, D-Dawn. I'm t-t-totally rec-recording this on my phone." Misty pulled out her standard red flip phone her sisters had gotten for her.

"Drewski going to be soooooooooooo_-hic-_mad." Misty burst into a fit of giggles. As did I.

Great, I'm getting more and more hammered by the second.

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**9:45 P.M**

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Why am I still mildly sober?

Well, let's change _that._

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**10:15 P.M**

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"Huh…" Soledad said as she looked through 'POKEMON DIAMOND AND PEARL: COMPLETE GUIDE'. "Why haven't I bought this?"

Argh. I was currently sitting next to Soledad, trying to sober up a little while simultaneously making myself beat the shit out of my liver.

But watching my friends/bridesmaids for _tomorrow _make complete _asses _out of themselves was pretty funny.

"Don't know, don't care." I swiped her drink, despite it being an open bar.

Really, I should not be drinking, for he shall mock me and I will not hear the end of it.

Plus, it's a white wedding, and the light would make my brain destroy itself due to the massive hangover that will commence in the morning after I pass out.

Wonderful.

Well screw it. It's the last night of freedom, and he's going to criticize me every day of my life, so why is this so special?

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**10:37 P.M**

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I'm still slightly sober.

Commence fixage.

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**10:****50 P.M**

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You see, one thing special about me is that when I drink, I can remember a lot of stuff that happened to me, although not a lot.

Some things I really wouldn't want to remember.

Like making out with Harley, for example.

God, he be pimpin'.

…wait, I'm _making _out with Harley.

I'm _making out with Harley._

I'm _making out _with _Harley._

_I'm making out with Harley!_

Well. Um. Paul never needs to know.

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**11:01 P.M**

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I'm pretty sure that Soledad's going to murder me in my sleep tonight.

…

Yeah, that's a definite.

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**11:19 P.M **

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I think Misty is subconsciously letting go.

"A-Ash…you know…I totally like_-hic-_am in love with-with you. But-but you're li-like a dense-dense retard. B-but I stilllll love youuuu!"

She was not aware she was talking to a door.

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**11:40 P.M**

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May was currently crying on the phone to Drew (a.k.a. Drewski) for absolutely no reason.

Drew is a loud talker, and I am sitting right next to May.

Their conversation follows as:

"Dreeewww! I'm sooooo sorrryyyyyyy for m-making out with-with Harleeeyy!"

"_Um. What."_

"I stilll loveee youuuuu_-hic-_!!"

"_Uh, you are aware that we are not dating?"_

"Wh-whaaaat?!"

"…_you're drunk, aren't you?"_

No shit, Sherlock.

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**12:02 A.M**

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Why am I still slightly sober?

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**12:19 A.M**

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Now, my memory after being completley hammered was pretty good, but when did I have a funnel in my throat, and why was bourbon being poured in it?

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**12:32 A.M**

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My liver hurts.

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**12:59 A.M**

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I had to carry Misty, May (and myself) back to my apartment. Sure, I did live together with my fiancée, but he's staying with his brother tonight.

We are so hammered.

And I made out with Harley.

Dammit, why won't that get out of my head?

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**1:00 A.M**

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_-Making out with Harley-_

Go away, damn you!

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**1:30 A.M**

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And somewhere along the line, we started watching _Snakes on a plane_.

Not sure how that happened, but I digress.

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**12:00 P.M**

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What time is it…?

…oh. Twelve, I'll go back to sleep.

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**12:01 P.M**

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WAIT.

I'M GETTING MARRIED.

IN.

LIKE.

UM.

TWO HOURS.

SHOWER. DRESS. _RUN._

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**1:30 P.M**

"Why do lights have to be so bright!?" May said, holding an ice pack up to her head. I was (shockingly) the least hammered of the three.

"May, stop talking so loud. I've got such a large headache." Misty said, and zipped up my dress.

My head hurts.

So.

Bad.

"Oh my God--the last thing I remember is May calling Drewski on the phone and professing her love to him."

"I thought you had a good memory after being hammered." May said, adjusting the bag on her head.

"Ten Martini's do things to you." Misty stuck yet another bobby pin in my hair.

"Oh, you look beautiful Dawn!" My mother came in, and admired my hair, put up in a 'curly' ponytail, I guess you could say.

I have a hangover.

At my wedding.

This is just peachy-keen.

"Uh…where am I?" Max looked around, to see me in a beautiful wedding dress, and May giving him the evil eye.

"Oh. Sorry Dawn!"

"S'okay."

"Max, get out!" May said, and dragged him out by the ear.

"What!? I don't know where I'm going!" I looked into the mirror.

Ah. Perfect look for a perfect wedding!

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**2:00 P.M**

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"Are you ready?"

"No."

"Good!" My mother said, and she grabbed my arm roughly.

Since my father um…'mysteriously disappeared', she'd be giving me away.

First, Drew and May walked down the aisle, (totally not foretelling anything), then Ash and Misty, then Zoey and Kenny.

You might be wondering why Zoey wasn't at the party, due to some er…'complications'.

I can see heartless-man at the alter.

Oh my god…

Run.

Run.

_Run, dammit._

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**2:10 P.M**

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Run.

"Don't run." He whispered.

Crap.

"Please just do me a favor and keep your voice down!" I hissed at him, a smirk appearing on his annoying face.

"Hung over, are we?"

"Yes! One of my friends admitted her love to a _door_."

"At least you didn't end up buck-naked in a canoe."

Blink.

"Well, why wasn't I in the canoe!?"

And, for the first time in, um, _ever_, Paul blushed.

I know, right?

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**2:30 P.M**

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"Do you, Paul, take Dawn, as your lawfully wedded wife, to hold in sickness and in health?"

"Uh…"

"The correct answer is yes." I said, and glared at him. The priestess-um, _Cynthia_? Who knew? Anyway, Cynthia chuckled lightly.

"Do you take Dawn as your wife?"

"I do."

"Dawn, do you-?"

"Yes, yes."

"You may now kiss the bride."

And then we kissed.

…

Dammit, why do I imagine myself kissing Harley!?

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_Ice: Um._

_Yes._

_AltoShipping is _totally _bestiality. _


End file.
